Song #15: Give It Anyway

Someone once told me: "love is not 50-50; it's not even 100-100. It's 100-0." Maybe. It's certainly noble, and it's the very definition of unconditional love:

I expect nothing in return. My loving you has nothing at all to do with me or my needs, it's all about the betterment of you.

It's the giving - never in spite of or in injury towards self, but rather with any notion of return completely unconsidered.

A friend of mine asked me recently, "What is the fine line between being a devoted unconditional loving partner and a doormat?" I don't propose to fully know how to answer that question or want to unpack it here, but it has something to do with one's intention or motivation. In this song, a couple have been awarded wisdom after many years together doing what Andy Stanley calls "putting your deal before my deal." Everyone at their core is looking out for #1. What is the only way around that while still maintaining long-term relationships? The resolve of commitment and the decision of grace.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

We're learning to live in grace

We're learning to give when it's all been given away

When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space

We give it anyway

Another year, a quicker pace

Another war, an older face

Have things our way and plead our case

Or serve and die to ourselves and finish the race

We're learning to live in grace

We're learning to give when it's all been given away

When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space

We give it anyway

Because we know; that we could love

and be loved by anyone

It's in our choice; we'll tie this knot

And decide to love, love the one we've got

We're learning to live in grace

We're learning to give when it's all been given away

When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space

We give it anyway

  And though it often takes hard work to patch up all these holes and splintered cracks

There is a cement that holds, unbreakable that runs along the back

We're learning to live in grace

We're learning to give when it's all been given away

When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space

Give it anyway; give it anyway

Song #14: It's Ok

I've always found it odd to see a couple who were once crazy for one another grow to become enemies in the end. No doubt there are often real reasons for that, but just as often that rage is simply a defense mechanism. After all, if a scorned lover's feelings are not reciprocated, it's easier to demonize the other person than to live with the pain of rejection.

Thankfully at this point in my life, this isn't my personal reality. But I really had fun this week climbing into this character's shoes and stirring up some longing mixed with gritty vindictiveness.  And for some reason with this theme I felt the need to set it to a 60's R&B style - complete with flute and strings.

Waiter, I'll have a plate of Unrequited Love with a side of Bitterness. ;-)

PLAY:

LYRICS:

it's ok, I get it

this is all for the best

we're just growing in different directions

it is what it is... (I guess...)

you deserve to be happy (you tell me all the time)

I deserve to be blessed

we'll just do that in separate locations

from now on... (I guess...)

you have given me your thousand reasons why

we should now give up the fight

but I... oh I

I don't know how to give up on you

I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through

but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye

thanks for making that easy to do

no it's ok I'm not bitter

I'm ok, can't you tell?

(it's just the fruit of your vine makes me break out in hives,

and with each passing day I get colder as well)

see I have learned that just to get by

to only look at those things that I don't like

I don't know how to give up on you

I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through

but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye

'cause you're making that easy to do

it's ok, I get it

I'm ok, can't you tell?

Song #13: Dive In

"Natural forces flow between two poles. The north and south poles of the earth create a force of magnetism. The positive and negative poles of your electrical outlet or car battery create an electrical flow. In the same way, masculine and feminine poles between people create the flow of sexual polarity." {David Deida}

PLAY:

LYRICS:

wet from the shower and dancing alone

she hops on the bed there and picks up her phone

she is pecking a text in and painting her toes

slick with a gloss that's between red and rose

she laughs easy and often; keeps herself in check

she can slay with a look, or endear with a kiss

she is certainly woman, a hot fired gun

a feminine blessing that glows like the sun

and somewhere deep within this man 

where hunger, sex and power begin

a primal passion's begging me to merge

and dive in

and dive in

I'm a man, I'm not sorry; I am just what she needs

to blow her world open to places she's never been

and she knows she can't play me or fight till I fold

but like a haven or harbor, she is safe here - safe and at home

from somewhere deep within her heart

she breathes the strength that I impart

a passion stirs and begs her to merge

and dive in

and dive in

a force of passion arcs between

creates the sparks we feel and see

the you, the me become the we

we come together and dive in

and dive in

and dive in

Song #12: Amphetamine

The character in this song seems to have climatized to a life of loss. Like any of us, of course he doesn't desire brokenness but his attitudes and beliefs attract it time and again. And time and again, instead of dealing with these things head on, he tends to default to two coping mechanisms: self-medication and running away. "Amphetamine" is a dark song about a shell of a man, hardly someone worth admiring. And yet there's sympathy there, knowing that we all deal with loss and difficulty in our own variations of these ways. Part of me wants to scream at him - "it's worth the risk" - but he'll either toughen up and figure that on his own... or he won't.

On a production note, this is the first song so far that I've directly worked with another individual in the creation process. Music college friend, writing partner and excellent songwriter/performer Joe Aielli had the piano intro and idea for this song years ago. We've worked it on and off for a while but I knew when I began this love-themed writing project, this song would have to be revisited and finished.

Oh, and please swing by Joe's page and become a fan of his well-crafted music:

www.facebook.com/joeaielli

PLAY:

LYRICS:

she called me in and said I'm leaving

just like so many girls before

and once again I think that love, it ain't the answer

'cause what's united can be torn

friends and lovers, ya who needs 'em?

it just hurts too much to say goodbye anymore

well i've got all the ways I need to ease the pain

and they come out to play when it begins to storm

I think love is an amphetamine running through my head

just a high that becomes tomorrow's tears

I think love is an amphetamine,

so now I'm on my way until it all just disappears

as the dust blows up behind me

I can't think about all the people I left behind

what you call love I call the thing that trips me up

I'd rather move ahead alone and undefined

yes, I think love is an amphetamine running through my head

just a high that becomes tomorrow's tears

I think love is an amphetamine,

so now I'm on my way until it all just disappears

and when I take the pill I'm standing on top of the world

unconscious to the crowd below

but without fail, in time, I always come crashing down

it lifts me up and leaves me low

will i always think love is an amphetamine?

will i ever let anyone draw near?

see I think love is an amphetamine

so now I'm on my way until it all just disappears

you may live in love, but I live in fear

so I'll get the hell on out of here

Song #11: All of It

Turn on any pop radio these days and you're likely to hear Bruno Mars crooning about how his girl is "amazing... just the way [she is]."

While it's a great song, what irks me is that he praises only her wonderful qualities and how great he makes her feel. The thing is - once you get past the initial stages of dating, no one is all bubbles and unicorns all the time - even the most beautiful woman on the planet. Once lusty attraction turns into a committed relationship, some of the more... hidden... sides of our character start to rear their heads. This is where love begins to replace lust: when we begin to accept and even love ALL that makes someone who they are, rough edges and all.

I thought it'd be fun to write an honest song that challenged the Bruno Mars track - praising a lover's "shadow side" and loving someone TRULY "just the way they are."

PLAY: 

LYRICS:

I could write a thousand lines

about your hair, about your smile

it's true you are beautiful the way that you are

but we've all got our shadow side:

bad mood and fears and age-worn lines

and just as many times as you make me laugh,

you can be a real pain in the ass

your tears mix with makeup and create a mess

you're out late with friends sending drunken texts

you kick back at home in old baggy sweats

and I just can't get enough of you

and I choose all of it

I'll take all of you

if it weren't for all of it,

you wouldn't be you,

and I wouldn't know what to do

the worst thing I could ever dream

is your compromising anything for me

you were fine before you even knew my name

so don't you dare go change a thing

or settle for less than amazing

and I promise you that I'll do the same

so what if it's been months since you touched a broom

and damn girl if you can't clear a room

I just can't get enough of you

and I choose all of it

I'll take all of you

if it weren't for all of it,

you wouldn't be you,

and I wouldn't know what to do

you sure clean up nice when you go out to dance

but I like you in that tank top and those yoga pants

it's safe to say I'm your biggest fan

and I just can't get enough of you

I choose all of it

I'll take all of you

If it weren't for all of it,

you wouldn't be you,

and I wouldn't know what,

no i wouldn't know what to do

Song #10: I See You Sitting There

"A child's spirit is like a child, you can never catch it by running after it; you must stand still, and, for love, it will soon itself come back."

(Arthur Miller)

One Saturday afternoon I was watching my five-year-old daughter playing and realized I had never written a song for her. I grabbed my guitar and a pen and "I See You Sitting There" was written right there on the spot.

NOTE: I'm cheating a bit on my rule of writing one NEW song each week, as I wrote this piece several months ago. When I initially finished this, I shared it with a few of my close friends, but am now finally releasing it publicly since I've been on vacation for the holidays.

PLAY:

 LYRICS:

I see you sitting there

In your painted chair

You've got your dolls out

Fingers in your mouth

I see you sitting there

In your ballet tights,

it's almost time to say goodnight

And when I catch your eyes 

I can see that life's worthwhile

Couldn't be more proud of you

And your precious smile

I never knew I could fall in love

so quickly, so fiercely with someone

You are my favorite blessing from God

I see you dancing there

Twirling around the chairs

It nearly makes me cry

You got your mama's eyes

And your pretty face

Is lighting up the room

I know it's cliche to say it:

But I don't know when you got so big

Makes me want to hold on to just this moment

It too will go with the wind

I never knew I could fall in love

so quickly, so fiercely with someone

You are my favorite blessing from God

Sweetheart when you get older,

I will still remember all these times

I see you lying there

You got your PJs on

One foot hanging out

From that ratty old blanket you drag along

I say a prayer for you

And kiss you on the head

I never knew I could fall in love

so quickly, so fiercely with someone

You are my favorite blessing from God

Song #8: Wild Abandon

"The whole business of love is to drown in the sea."

[Rumi, 13th century Persian mystic & poet]

I'm starting to see how self-consciousness, fear and reservation are all enemies of love. Sometimes we frown upon people who live wide open and want them to "get themselves together" or to "listen to reason" - but passion can't be reasoned with. I know I've had those thoughts - and I'm starting to wonder if perhaps it's jealousy? This song tells the story of a woman who lives and loves to the fullest... refusing to play it safe... no holding back. I think we all want to be a little more like that.

LYRICS:

reason knows the way

yet she is always lost

reason runs away

but she can't get enough

she's drowning in this love

swallowed up by the sea

reason takes a break

she wants to go again

reason shies from pain

she takes it on the chin

she's drowning in this love

swallowed up by the sea

and naturally

she just wants to be

swept beneath, yes

reckless and free with

wild abandon, wild abandon

she is the shade and love is the tree

if she ain't free it's all for nothing

wild abandon, wild abandon

when reason calls out, "no"

she replies, "I must"

reason turns the nose

her passion is a musk

she's drowning in this love

swallowed up by the sea

and naturally

she just wants to be

swept beneath, yes

reckless and free with

wild abandon, wild abandon

she is the shade and love is the tree

if she ain't free it's all for nothing

wild abandon, wild abandon

and secretly

we all want to be

swept beneath, yes

reckless and free with

wild abandon, wild abandon

we are the shade and love is the tree

if we ain't free it's all for nothing

wild abandon, wild abandon

no holding back, no holding back

Song #7: Home to You

The last few songs have been pretty thematically heavy, so this week I wanted to do something a little more light-hearted. Enjoy...

PLAY:

LYRICS:

good morning sweetheart,

I hope you slept well

had to leave for work early,

didn't want you to worry,

but there is something that I wanted to tell you

because it's true:

that my favorite part of leaving every day is coming back home to you 

I may be out there

on the other side of town

working hard in my office

with profits and losses

but all I'll be able to do is spend my time

thinking through

what I'm gonna do to you tonight when I return home to you

and just like this morning light

filters in through the blinds

and rests on your hips and closed eyes

I'm gonna be on you, when the day is through

so all day just keep that in mind

I die a little every day

to leave you there sleeping

it's just the world needs me

but before i go let me say:

you're way friggin' cute...

and this too: 

I just can't wait to see your smiling face when I get back home to you

see you tonight, lovely

hope this made you smile

and as you go through the day

know that not far away

some crazy fool thinks the world, the world of you,

yes, it's true

and that his favorite part of leaving every day is coming back home to you

it makes life worth livin' in the knowing I get to come back home to you