heartbroken

Song #42: Disappear

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"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
[Abraham Cowley]

LYRICS:

Look at me,

I've got my shit together

I am a winner, a picture of health

but what no one sees deep below the surface

is a cavern, the cold hard walls of a well

 

For a time I was better, well on my way

A little bit stronger, a little more life each day

But all the momentum I thought I had gained

slows to a halt when someone speaks your name

 

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear

So maybe I could find peace this year

But I know as sure as I sit here

That I don't mean it

 

When you both live in the same small town

You can't help but see each other around

I have that old crusty wound that almost heals

But then I catch your eyes and it all at once starts to peel

 

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear

So maybe I could find peace this year

But I know as sure as I sit here

That I don't mean it

 

As much as I would like to move on,

it ain't happening

But if I can pretend that you're gone,

there's a respite from all the battling in my mind

 

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear

So maybe, maybe I could find peace this year

But I know as sure as I sit here

That I don't mean it

 

...but most times I wish you'd just appear

And wreck all of my plans for this year

Cause when I said my love was sincere 

Well, I still mean it

Song #2: Alone

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"One is the loneliest number..."

What I find most interesting about "Alone" is not the way in which the character "uses" love, but that he's self-aware enough to be doing so consciously. A rather somber exploration of isolation, loneliness and loss of identity.

PLAY: 

LYRICS:

One love that started to fade

He moved towards her and she moved further away

Now he's left standing

He's never known himself all alone

When she's gone, he doesn't know

who he is 

 

"I loved you for who that made me

And I know that that's not healthy

Oh God, no... it seems I don't like me

when I'm left standing alone"

 

As long as there's her, it masks all the pain

Devious voices inside, they whisper his name

In deafening silence

Now without, his head in his hands,

Forced to peek inside  

at the dragons within

 

"I loved all them because they saved me

And I know that that's not healthy

But still though, I need them to like me

  I can't stand being alone"

 

Now what is this?

New eyes look his way

He feels again, his worth from within

He's got his fix, there's fire in his veins

He knows again he's claimed

And everything's OK

 

"I love you because you'll take me

And I know that that's not healthy

But just hold me and don't you leave me

Anything but just not alone"