longing

Song #25: The King

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"Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good."
[John Milton]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Roll in the driveway

and place it in park

There isn't a light on

The house is all dark

There's nobody home

and I pretend it doesn't matter

but it does

 

No snoring little babies

tucked up under blankies

No one through the window

Or assuring embraces

No "I'm glad to see you"

and I pretend it's for a reason

but it's not

 

So I pour me a whisky

and get a little bit silly

because if I start to thinking

who knows where that will take me

 

I picked up my ink pen

to write up this song

and I just keep on writing

so the music won't stop

'cause when the music ain't playing

all I can hear is the fridge

and the dogs

 

So I toss back more whisky

before I start wondering if you miss me

And if this is how it's got to be

At least I can set myself free

 

This is a cell

My own private silent hell

This is my life, serving my time, these are my shackles

And here I am king

For as far as the eye can see this is my land,

and I am the king of an empty castle

 

So I strip down to nothing

and lie in my bed

there's a space on the mattress

there's a buzz in my head

The quiet gets louder

and I pretend it doesn't matter

but it does

This quiet gets louder

and I pretend it doesn't matter

but it does

Song #14: It's Ok

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I've always found it odd to see a couple who were once crazy for one another grow to become enemies in the end. No doubt there are often real reasons for that, but just as often that rage is simply a defense mechanism. After all, if a scorned lover's feelings are not reciprocated, it's easier to demonize the other person than to live with the pain of rejection.

Thankfully at this point in my life, this isn't my personal reality. But I really had fun this week climbing into this character's shoes and stirring up some longing mixed with gritty vindictiveness.  And for some reason with this theme I felt the need to set it to a 60's R&B style - complete with flute and strings.

Waiter, I'll have a plate of Unrequited Love with a side of Bitterness. ;-)

PLAY:

 

LYRICS:

it's ok, I get it

this is all for the best

we're just growing in different directions

it is what it is... (I guess...)

you deserve to be happy (you tell me all the time)

I deserve to be blessed

we'll just do that in separate locations

from now on... (I guess...)

 

you have given me your thousand reasons why

we should now give up the fight

but I... oh I

 

I don't know how to give up on you

I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through

but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye

thanks for making that easy to do

 

no it's ok I'm not bitter

I'm ok, can't you tell?

(it's just the fruit of your vine makes me break out in hives,

and with each passing day I get colder as well)

 

see I have learned that just to get by

to only look at those things that I don't like

 

I don't know how to give up on you

I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through

but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye

'cause you're making that easy to do

 

it's ok, I get it

I'm ok, can't you tell?

Song #5: I Want Love

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"The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget."

[William Osler]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

if I could be honest

if I could tell the truth

I am getting bothered

by the thought of you

just don't you forget

that I am a man

and I have needs too

 

I need love, love, love

give me love, love, love

I want love, love, love

from you

 

so reach out and touch me

or I will make a move

I am right here, hungry

I have an ache to soothe

there just aren't words

to say how much I burn

but I'd be glad to show you

 

I need love, love, love

give me love, love, love

I want love, love, love

from you

 

I am haunted by the scent

of the back of your neck

why are you so damn far away?

I feel like reaching out to you

and pouring me out

could you come over and stay?

why don't you come and stay?

'cause I need you now...

 

I need love, love, love

give me love, love, love

I want love, love, love

from you

Song #2: Alone

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"One is the loneliest number..."

What I find most interesting about "Alone" is not the way in which the character "uses" love, but that he's self-aware enough to be doing so consciously. A rather somber exploration of isolation, loneliness and loss of identity.

PLAY: 

LYRICS:

One love that started to fade

He moved towards her and she moved further away

Now he's left standing

He's never known himself all alone

When she's gone, he doesn't know

who he is 

 

"I loved you for who that made me

And I know that that's not healthy

Oh God, no... it seems I don't like me

when I'm left standing alone"

 

As long as there's her, it masks all the pain

Devious voices inside, they whisper his name

In deafening silence

Now without, his head in his hands,

Forced to peek inside  

at the dragons within

 

"I loved all them because they saved me

And I know that that's not healthy

But still though, I need them to like me

  I can't stand being alone"

 

Now what is this?

New eyes look his way

He feels again, his worth from within

He's got his fix, there's fire in his veins

He knows again he's claimed

And everything's OK

 

"I love you because you'll take me

And I know that that's not healthy

But just hold me and don't you leave me

Anything but just not alone"