Song #50: Deranged

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most people think of love as full of light, joy and positivity. But there is a darker side, that of obsession, craving, intense desire and even torment. Not that those are "bad" things; they are in fact quite delicious... a "burning, yearning devotion" that is felt very deeply.

I don't know whether my mind was subconsciously picking up on all the spooky vibes this time of year or whether it's a cool coincidence, but the fact that Halloween is this week makes this song's lyrics and musical vibe timely and appropriate. Happy Halloween, y'all. I don't have any candy but here's a song for you...



i am affected, call it wrecked, kid

i am obsessively, madly out of my he-ead

i'm goin' crazy, the way she slays me

i'd make u jealous if I told you how she plays me

it keeps building and building and building up,

and now the volcano's about to erupt

bewitching; she's got me wishing

for an end to all the love spells that she's dishing


what sort of cosmic commotion did i make to deserve this

(that) even when she's gone i am haunted by her ghost?

a boon to give my life back; resurrect my heart

she's a goddess or a demon and either way i'm toast


i'm not superstitious but the jist is

she is enchanting and magically delicious

where did she come from? man I don't know

maybe above... maybe below...

i'm unhinged, unzipped, unbalanced, unglued,

she drives a brother batty and I think that I'm screwed

but i like it, i'll take the pain,

even if i end up quite deranged

Song #47: More

"Believe you deserve everything you dream about." -Anon

This track is yet another change in pace - a sensual, haunting downtempo piece about receiving more than you can ask or imagine.



is it too bold to say

my life has been changed

all from the way

that you have made me believe?

it makes no sense to pray

when something so great

something I can't explain

is more than this mind could conceive


is there more?

pick me off the floor

could I take any more?

i can't wait to see


what i see you see

when i breathe you breathe

when i take the lead

you melt right into me

could you tell me again

where i end, where you begin

and i can't believe

it's happening


is there more?

pick me off the floor

could I take any more?

i can't wait to see

Song #43: What We Want


I received an email this week from someone* talking about how "failed" relationships help us to know what it is we truly want moving forward.  But more than that, that what we think we want is often a fantasy, a phantom created by our minds. When we're open to new experiences and opportunities, reality has the opportunity to blow away our preconceived ideas.

* Chorus and additional lyrics co-written by Julie Rae Sandifer



We have been building it up

We hope for something that isn't

We think we know what we want

That is until we get it


For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet

What we want we will know once we experience it


We'll never get what we want

As long as we think we need it

The only way it will come

Is if instead we choose to give it (and give it, and give it)


For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet

What we want we will know once we experience it


And all of these moments, all of these people, they're teaching us lessons

they tell us more who we are, what's truly important,

they help us measure in seconds… not minutes… or hours


For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet

What we want we will know once we've experienced it

Song #38: Known


"Known" is a simple little song juxtaposing the desire to be loved with the desire to give love. Because of its atypical form you could maybe say it's more of a short tone poem than a pop song.



to be known

to be loved

to be cherished

to be witnessed

to have someone

that knows your soul

knows your weakness

knows your deepness

to be understood

to know you count

to be lost

and then be found

to be held close

to be let go

to be known

to be the one that knows


to be love

and to cherish

and to witness

to have someone

whose mind you blow

despite their weakness

and from your deepness

to understand

to show they count

and when they're lost

search 'till they're found

to know when to hold

when to let go

to be the one that knows

Song #37: Always


I was browsing some work by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda this week and came across his piece "Always." It spoke of acceptance, forgiveness, patience and desire and I found myself blown away by how much depth was communicated in a few simple words. Although it was not my intention to add anything to his poem or write a companion song, I did use it as inspiration and borrowed several of the ideas and images for this week's song.

See Pablo Neruda's "Always" here. 



everyone has their story

all the people they carry

on their shoulders, in their hair

scores of lovers and families

children born and dead buried

and the fear you think I care


bring it all to where i'm waiting for you


there's wake of destruction

behind every someone

it's just the way it is

so you can come as you are, dear

wear it proud like a scar, dear

it's just the way it is


bring it all to where i'm waiting for you


and in this holy union

watch the fire burn up all that lied in ruins

and we will stand, alone,


Song #32: Time of Day


This week's song is more of a style experiment than anything. I very much enjoy listening to a lot of Oldies and classic R&B and so I thought I'd enjoy writing my own modern spin on those genres. There's nothing profound in the least about these lyrics but that too was keeping in form (most of those old songs are really simple). This one's just for fun.



You walk by me everyday

walking in your freedom

And I can't help but imagine the day

you give me all your lovin'


I can't help it I'm falling for you

Dream of all the crazy things we would do

But you don't even give me the time of day


You move ways that drive a man wild,

But only give resistance

Tight pants, tight shirt, show off your style,

but keep 'em at a distance


I can't help it I'm falling for you

Give me one shot, you'll want me too

But you don't even give me the time of day


I sure hope you don't get pissed

But it's past time you know I exist


I can't help it I'm falling for you

Dream of all the naughty things we would do

But you don't even give me the time of day

Song #31: Alexandria

"Well behaved women seldom make history." [Laurel Thatcher Ulrich]



You blaze ways with a smile on your face

And when we reach downtown you reach for the paint



The street musicians all know your name

And the gamble is certainly worth the game

I'm in love


They don't know where to look

She's straight up off the hook

We all just fall in love with Alexandria

She's irresisistable

She's got this certain pull

She'll burn this city down, Alexandria!


The town winds down, the lights start to fade

But you can't stop now, that's not how you're made



I once asked how she got this way

She just laughed and she walked away

I'm in love

Song #30: Unbound

"There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." [Yaldah Tovah]


Her hand pierces the atmosphere

Her body's below the ground

Screaming and kicking for some air

No one hears a sound

An angel appears before her there

And pins her to the ground

Screaming and kicking for some air

The earth's at last unbound


Follow my hand, I will lead you

Put you in the places I need to

To know you even better than you do


Birds and planes falling from the air

She's taken by the force

A sharp surrender, a fist of hair

She trusts a little more

Drinking deep from the cup of life

A kiss becomes a vow

We know the edge but we walk the line

All time melts into now