Song #43: What We Want

I received an email this week from someone* talking about how "failed" relationships help us to know what it is we truly want moving forward.  But more than that, that what we think we want is often a fantasy, a phantom created by our minds. When we're open to new experiences and opportunities, reality has the opportunity to blow away our preconceived ideas.

* Chorus and additional lyrics co-written by Julie Rae Sandifer

PLAY:

LYRICS:

We have been building it up

We hope for something that isn't

We think we know what we want

That is until we get it

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet

What we want we will know once we experience it

We'll never get what we want

As long as we think we need it

The only way it will come

Is if instead we choose to give it (and give it, and give it)

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet

What we want we will know once we experience it

And all of these moments, all of these people, they're teaching us lessons

they tell us more who we are, what's truly important,

they help us measure in seconds… not minutes… or hours

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet

What we want we will know once we've experienced it

Song #42: Disappear

"A mighty pain to love it is,

And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;

But of all pains, the greatest pain

It is to love, but love in vain."

[Abraham Cowley]

LYRICS:

Look at me,

I've got my shit together

I am a winner, a picture of health

but what no one sees deep below the surface

is a cavern, the cold hard walls of a well

For a time I was better, well on my way

A little bit stronger, a little more life each day

But all the momentum I thought I had gained

slows to a halt when someone speaks your name

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear

So maybe I could find peace this year

But I know as sure as I sit here

That I don't mean it

When you both live in the same small town

You can't help but see each other around

I have that old crusty wound that almost heals

But then I catch your eyes and it all at once starts to peel

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear

So maybe I could find peace this year

But I know as sure as I sit here

That I don't mean it

As much as I would like to move on,

it ain't happening

But if I can pretend that you're gone,

there's a respite from all the battling in my mind

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear

So maybe, maybe I could find peace this year

But I know as sure as I sit here

That I don't mean it

...but most times I wish you'd just appear

And wreck all of my plans for this year

Cause when I said my love was sincere 

Well, I still mean it

Song #41: Like a Bee Sting

After a few weeks of reflective heart-churners, I wanted to turn the tables this week and let loose. Musically this is one of the most hard-rocking songs of this entire project. Lyrically I chose the darker themes of coercion and manipulation to match the tone of the music. Crank it up... just don't come complaining to me if your head explodes.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Cry, try and brush her shoulder

Sigh, make sure that she sees

Lie, force her in the picture

Just try and get back anything

Put it in a box and make sure that it fits

You say you want the best

but you've got a funny way of showin' it

Die, if you want attention

Why, can't they all just see

Buy your way back in the picture

Force her into shock like a bee sting

Song #39: Namaste

It seems to me that the people who have the most success in their relationships don't just have love for their intimate partners, but for everyone and all things. Love, for them, is central to their identity and actions; their way of relating to the world they live in.

As folks familiar with yoga and/or Indian culture may know, the term Namaste is a greeting from India that is roughly translated as "the light in me recognizes (or bows to) the light in you." With that in mind, here's a song for those who are open to the love/light that is all around us.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

she wonders:

"why let ancient myths and legends tell you who you are?"

when none of these things truly resonate

within her heart

Since day one she's always been told

she's never been - at her core -

never been good enough

everyone outside of her is telling her

that what's inside of her and every man

is darkness

but when she looks all around

all she sees is alright

she finds goodness and uncorrupted love

within all

Namaste

Namaste

Namaste

the light in me is the light in you

he wonders:

"why give people shit just because of the way they are?"

he hears stories of oppression

and they break his childlike heart

'Cause when he looks all around

all he sees is all one

he finds goodness and uncorrupted love

within all

Namaste

Namaste

Namaste

the light in me is the light in you

the light in me is the light in you

the love in me is the love in you

the heart in me is the heart in you

the light in me is the light in you

Song #38: Known

"Known" is a simple little song juxtaposing the desire to be loved with the desire to give love. Because of its atypical form you could maybe say it's more of a short tone poem than a pop song.

PLAY: 

LYRICS:

to be known

to be loved

to be cherished

to be witnessed

to have someone

that knows your soul

knows your weakness

knows your deepness

to be understood

to know you count

to be lost

and then be found

to be held close

to be let go

to be known

to be the one that knows

to be love

and to cherish

and to witness

to have someone

whose mind you blow

despite their weakness

and from your deepness

to understand

to show they count

and when they're lost

search 'till they're found

to know when to hold

when to let go

to be the one that knows

Song #37: Always

I was browsing some work by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda this week and came across his piece "Always." It spoke of acceptance, forgiveness, patience and desire and I found myself blown away by how much depth was communicated in a few simple words. Although it was not my intention to add anything to his poem or write a companion song, I did use it as inspiration and borrowed several of the ideas and images for this week's song.

See Pablo Neruda's "Always" here. 

PLAY:

LYRICS:

everyone has their story

all the people they carry

on their shoulders, in their hair

scores of lovers and families

children born and dead buried

and the fear you think I care

bring it all to where i'm waiting for you

there's wake of destruction

behind every someone

it's just the way it is

so you can come as you are, dear

wear it proud like a scar, dear

it's just the way it is

bring it all to where i'm waiting for you

and in this holy union

watch the fire burn up all that lied in ruins

and we will stand, alone,

always

Song #35: Home

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.” [Charles Dickens]

This weekend I had the pleasure of hosting four old friends - Laura, David, Kevin and Lydia - in my home. It was suggested that we write my 'love song' this week as a creative collective - with others  pitching in on the writing and recording of the track. I thought it was a great idea and enjoyed turning over the reigns to see what we may come up with as a group. The process was great fun and resulted in something that is quite different than anything I've done so far in One Love, One Year. Enjoy!

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Sat upon the window sill, waiting for the morning light

A dream fresh in my mind, waiting for a pretty sight

Still asleep in my bed, your cheeks flushed red

Your tiny hands held a teddy bear

And the sun peaks through the humid air

of a day just begun

I will rise and we will go... home

We travel light with heavy hearts

our hands swing swift and far apart

My suitcase is full of empty things

you cherish like our wedding rings

And the sun peaks through the humid air

of a day carrying on

I will rise and we will go... home

Song #34: Disease

"Of course it don't feel right! What has felt right for you doesn't work! You need to try some wrong, dawg!"  [The 40-Year Old Virgin]

This is a song about tiring of doing good. It's from the perspective of someone who's grown weary of playing by the rules, being spoon-fed other people's expectations and - in keeping with the intent of this project - being in a relationship that is outwardly "right" (in the opinions of others), but inwardly lifeless. After all there are some experiences life holds for those who are adventurous enough to color outside the lines.

PLAY: 

LYRICS: 

I don't want to choose health

I'm living life on my knees

I feel I'm gagging on good

I crave a little dis-ease

Try to wheel me in,

Lock me up in a cell

But I ain't looking for a cure,

I wouldn't pay to be well

I feel a wicked, sly smile

crawling up on my face

There's something sick inside

Way down low like the bass

I feel it pulse within

Like the beat of this song

And if lovin' you is right

Well then I want to be wrong

They all think they know best

Tell me just what I need

And I played along

For forever it seems

But see I've caught a bug

An infectious disease

And now I see you're just too good,

 t-t-too good for me

Does it hurt? Does it hurt when I do this ?