Song #25: The King

"Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good."

[John Milton]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Roll in the driveway

and place it in park

There isn't a light on

The house is all dark

There's nobody home

and I pretend it doesn't matter

but it does

No snoring little babies

tucked up under blankies

No one through the window

Or assuring embraces

No "I'm glad to see you"

and I pretend it's for a reason

but it's not

So I pour me a whisky

and get a little bit silly

because if I start to thinking

who knows where that will take me

I picked up my ink pen

to write up this song

and I just keep on writing

so the music won't stop

'cause when the music ain't playing

all I can hear is the fridge

and the dogs

So I toss back more whisky

before I start wondering if you miss me

And if this is how it's got to be

At least I can set myself free

This is a cell

My own private silent hell

This is my life, serving my time, these are my shackles

And here I am king

For as far as the eye can see this is my land,

and I am the king of an empty castle

So I strip down to nothing

and lie in my bed

there's a space on the mattress

there's a buzz in my head

The quiet gets louder

and I pretend it doesn't matter

but it does

This quiet gets louder

and I pretend it doesn't matter

but it does

Song #24: Ellipses

"It's so easy to think about love, to talk about love, to wish for love...

but it's not always easy to recognize love, even when we hold it...

in our hands." [Jaka]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

when words become ellipses

when knowing glances become kisses

you can't miss it

when all day long you listen

to dreams that say "you'll be his Mrs."

and oh the kisses

that's when you'll know

when you come home some evening

to find that love makes life worth living

are you kidding?

that's when you'll know

when you find that your guy

is quite unlike who came before

and in his presence you are not less, you are more

when you tell all your friends about him

and well up with pride because of who he is

it may be it

that's when you'll know

when words become ellipses

when knowing glances become kisses

you can't miss it

that's when you'll know

Song #23: Not Enough

Over the past few weeks, I've had conversations with two men - one who is going through a divorce and another who recently did. I kept hearing the same two themes emerge: one, that they were both trying everything they could to do the right thing, hold their marriages together and to show love even as their (ex-)spouse was struggling and/or being destructive; and two, that because their efforts weren't being accepted, it dealt such a heavy blow to their self-worth. Since in this project I had promised to explore all of the angles of love, I felt drawn to flesh out this experience in song, as difficult as that may be.

This was a hard song to write and I'm sure is a hard one to listen to. It's not unlike watching Requiem for a Dream - sitting through it once is probably enough. I had to go deep and get to an emotional space that I've known very well but not really wanted to return to. That said, the purpose of this piece is not in any way to glorify a defeated and self-doubting perspective; in time people move out of this stage and realize their worth is independent of their circumstances. Rather, this is a "snapshot" in time, a musical picture of a dark and raw reality... for the sake of artistic observation as well as catharsis. Almost like being physically ill, sometimes it's only by purging the darkness through expressing it (in writing, in song, in conversation) that we make room for the light and life to return again.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

She is fading, she's fading fast

And I've felt hurt before, but no hurt quite like this

'cause I see her hanging, she's just hanging on

In my strength, all i have; dear just please take my arm

And I know I can't save you

don't pretend I can

But I can't just stand by and

not extend a hand

But part of me

Hates the part of me

That gives a shit at all

She is struggling, she's scraping by

But she's too damned hardheaded to let me by her side

I am trying, maybe I should stop

When your love is unwelcomed, when do you finally give up?

My shit is not enough (for you)

It is not enough

My love is not enough

My time... not enough

My care... not enough

Love is not enough for you

Love...

Song #22: You Just Are

Friends who have followed my music over the years may possibly recognize this week's song. "You Just Are" is a piece I wrote and performed with the Trev Diesel band 6+ years ago, but since I was never able to record it, I decided to bring it in to the One Love, One Year anthology.

While most of my songs are thematically specific, this is one of the most vague that I've posted. I'm not going to go into specifics about my interpretation of these lyrics except to say this: it isn't so much about human/relational love as it is about the "capital-L" Love that holds the universe together, helps us know who we are and gives our lives direction.

PLAY:

 LYRICS:

seems like only yesterday

we were standing on the frontier of our future

three friends and I taking rides in a beat up old car

and Sammie slinks low in her seat

and turns up the music.

(we think she'll go far

and shoot like a star over this pitiful city

will you know it when you see it?

will your eyes be opened far

when forever meets you in the present

melting time and space and suddenly

you just are

so love, child, love

and she held on dearly to all that we were

even if at times making us all a little bit batty

and her daddy woke up before the sun did every day

and drove all the way to the city

and now we know, we know what they were living for

Song #21: You (Don't) Complete Me

While it's a romantic notion to consider someone as your "other half", I wonder if that's the healthiest way to live out your days with someone, Jerry Maguire. If a significant other is where you go for soul-level fulfillment or to fill an incomplete void in you, that's a scary setup for both parties and tees the ball up for some major disappointment sooner or later. You've got to find that outside and then re-enter the relationship with strength and an attitude that says "I'm here to give" - otherwise it's just need and codependency and all that messy stuff.

**In order to give credit where it is due, the lyric "You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat" was my inspiration for this song and was penned by writer and good buddy Benjamin Madrid. He blogs song lyrics and other musings HERE - go check him out.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

You, you don't complete me

But you completely light up my sky

You, you don't fulfill me

But, girl, you thrill me every night

I chose you out of my strength, not out of need

You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat

And everything you are to me is so good,

But I've got a confession

The only way I'm every thing I am to you

Is 'cause I've got a bigger mission

You, you don't make me,

But we'll be ok, see?

Because it's right

It's true that you relieve me

But if you must leave me

I'll be just fine

I chose you out of my strength, not out of need

You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat

And everything you are to me is so good,

But I've got a confession

The only way I'm every thing I am to you

Is 'cause I've got a bigger mission

If there's a void inside your soul

Just know that I will never fill that hole

Song #18: Maps

“We can’t know what’s going to happen. We can just try to figure it out as we go along." - Roger Sullivan

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Black-ribbon road is stretching out

The tank's at two-o-clock; it's getting late

Sundown glow ahead of us

A burning torch that guides and lights our way

The desert wind, your summer dress:

I pretend I'm not staring at your legs

And as the headlights rise like fireflies

It's hard to hide the smile upon my face

Worn maps show us the way back

But not where we're at

I don't think it matters now.

Right here: bare feet on the dash

That way that she laughs

All we need's right here on this side of the glass

We could drive for miles and miles

but we both know that we're already there

This journey is the destination

so where we end up I don't really care

Song #17: Hang

So far in this project I've put my own spin on reggae, alt-country, ballads, old-school R&B, rockers, and more. Yet this week as I was hearing this melody, I knew I had to go a totally new direction that I hadn't touched on yet: club synth-pop. Go ahead and be a hater but don't act like you're not dancing in your recliner right now.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

can you hang? can you hang with me?

do you have what it takes to try and handle me?

can you feel? can you feel deeply?

'cause I give all I've got and won't take less, see:

I can't give you all the money but you can trust that I will rock your soul - so let go

it will be good, it will be often and when it's through I promise that you will know

hang on for the ride

of your life

if you're going my way you must be able to hang

hang on for the ride

of your life

I know just want I want, I want you,

but only if you can hang

can you respect? will you respect me?

cause I respect myself and won't take less, see

still want in? let's see if you fit

I don't play hard to get, girl I am hard to get

Song #16: Warriors

"Some men will go in once, twice, even three times. But a warrior is in this for good... 'I'm not going anywhere. This is my place in the battle. This is the hill that I will die on.' The universe is so vast and so ageless that the life of one man can only be justified by the measure of his sacrifice." [John Eldredge / others, Wild at Heart]

"Rise and rise again / until lambs become lions" [Robin Hood]

We live in interesting times as it relates to masculinity. On one hand factors like political correctness and new age pop psychology have asked us to tone it down, making men safe, soft... nice. On the other hand there seems to be a resurgence in the reclaiming of timeless masculine virtues such as moral integrity, leadership, character, decision making, presence, adventurousness and dependability.

The thing is, there are so many traps for men. It's simply not hard at all to give into apathy, boredom, going for the easy lay, quick surrender or waiting on others to do what we would not. I've seen men fall all around me, bodies everywhere from poor choices or a lack of presence; Hell, I've fallen myself. The truth is we all make poor decisions. And there's freedom and grace there for sure. The ultimate question is what do we do then?

Fortunately, I've also been blessed to be surrounded with some key men who have intentionally chosen a life of integrity and uprightness, no matter the personal cost. As John Eldredge has written - most men want to be knights, but most do not want to bleed like one. This song is for those who do.

On a production note, this track won't be hitting the pop charts any time soon. It takes nearly 6 minutes to flesh out and is of a quite different scope than what I normally write (except for maybe "The Attic"). That said, it's a perspective that needed to be shared and it took an epic-sized arrangement in order to give it the weight I felt the subject deserved. I wish I had more than a few short hours this week to give this song more attention, but such are the "rules" of this project.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

when the bullets start to fly and they will

when the passion fires die and they will

when the storm threatens all that is known, what then?

where are the warriors? where are the men?

when the pain casts a shadow on love

when the fruit dangles just within reach above

when all around they're taken down in their sin

where are the warriors? where are the men?

and they will be called oaks of righteousness

when a wife is growing tired of being used

when she longs to have her heart be pursued

when all hope is drying up once again

where are the warriors? where are the men?

while the world looks for a leader to steer,

lesser men are taking shelter in fear

who will rise and go to fight or defend?

where are the warriors? where are the men?

and they will be called oaks of righteousness

---

what's your heart worth to you?

where's your peace of mind?

either way you're going to lose sleep

but you lose less when you do things right

we will stand; we will not be moved

we are the warriors

---

and they will be called oaks of righteousness